Featuring Guest Writer Twanny Waterman and her True Story...
There are times that life
shows only Darkness
But Darkness is nothing more
than the absence of Light
It is this Light that gives
your existence a Soul
Are you how I used to be? Not knowing how to show your true
being… afraid to ‘look’ further because you have a ‘dark’ filter before
your eyes… a blind person who does not know how to live without an
ignorant, short headed mind? Shouting against divine beings about blood
and sacrifice… and calling on devilish names just because you think
is who you are? Do you feel happy? Then go on with your life… if
not… maybe my story is something you would like to read-
HE: The elements this day
shall go to war
Me: Is the earth moving to something new-
-a fear to bind the few?
HE: Light will be haunted by darkness
Me: If light fails will darkness lead my way-
-so shadows rule my day?
HE: The sound of dead silence becomes your voice
Me: Is it only demons that can undermine my sin-
-so there be nothing left to win?
HE: The defeat of light will set things right and evil
Poetry: a part of my life in reading and writing. A great way of
showing your feelings, dreams, hopes, fears and daily pursuits. I think
one of the reasons why I did (and still do but now for other reasons)
had to do with the simple fact that I did not know any other way to
show my inner self. I was not worthy- and well who has interest in me?
An image which was grounded from childhood through adolescent into
woman. Caused by one person who thought he was allowed to abuse me for
his perverted needs. And by this I was not only hurt physical but also
mental and spiritual. I withdraw myself into my own world. A world in
which one day I started to talk with ‘him’. My Dark Prince, My
Patron… My protector…
Hear the silence of my eternal beating heart
See the moon that circles my forever-dark soul
Be silent when my beloved devil speaks to me
My black patron brings me no fear
a darkened voice whispers beside me
only ecstasy, simple-pure and clear
an unending, orgasmic high comes free
immortality my sacrifice YOUR TRUST
this song of darkness in full moonlight
your shadows hiding my unholy lust
As I grew older the occult way of life roamed and yes because I did not
know any better the dark side. I came in contact with other people who
were just like me… I became part of a group… felt stronger by this.
I ‘became’ someone; I developed myself more and more, using magick and
rituals, very dark ones. Rituals that dark that if I describe them they
bring me shame. One thing I will make clear right away: I did never
hurt other human beings or animals! If I used blood it was my own…
I was out for a drink and having fun. It was a good night: nice people,
dancing and there was a clown who was playing magic tricks on me and
that is funny after a few drinks. I had to go to the ladies room and
there an elderly strange looking woman was waiting for me -this I felt-
She looks at me and says:
"You are such a beautiful woman, a good person surrounded by bright red
colors but you are constantly being followed by a very dominant
muscular man, wearing a black cape and sitting on a spirit black horse;
I can see he's handsome although I can only see his fiery black eyes.
He is not leaving your side... what is it that you fear?"
-I do not feel any Fear-
"But he is Darkness"
-I feel protected by him, darkness gives me shelter; he is my black
She than gave me a look of despair and walked away. I had not seen here
before and I did not see her after this incident.
Because my studious nature and interest I read more and more and I came
to know who my ‘Patron’ was. I called on ‘him’… when I did this a
feeling like a strap around my chest was there, real tight… oppressive
but now I knew: Baruchiel.
This is how he showed himself to me
Life went on…..
Then things started to change, I became aware of something else inside
of me, I started to ask questions about the ‘world’ I was in.
Questions - searching - hoping for a clue
Will there be an answer before I explode?
Is it so wrong… trusting the dark ones I do?
One day I was searching the web… all different occult sites… and came
across Puzuzu’s… saw he had a MySpace profile, as I, and send him a
friend’s request. Time passed and questions grew…
I don’t remember how much time there was between my request and an
answer but suddenly it was there and Puzuzu and I started talking.
By time, letters and talks I became aware of ‘beauty’ inside of me.
I am not just ‘Dark’… it was shown by my way of ‘talking’, writing,
painting, drawing and my eyes started to open, the ‘filter’ tore…
Little step by little step Puzuzu guided me and gave me advise.
This lead to Archangel Michaël and he came into my life.
I was starting to feel better, seeing beauty… my eyes saw different…
It was also confusing because Baruchiel was still around…
I’ve conjured Baruchiel in the Black Mirror of the Triangle of Solomon.
He said he serves Harab Serapel … which means “Burning Ravens of God“.
That explains why he wears all Black. His sphere is Venus, the Harab
Serapel are “Ravens of Death” who even reject their own kind. They are
from the out form of this sphere which is Theumiel which means the
“Foul Substance of God”. Their God is Baal who is the Lord of Darkness.
I asked him if he was ‘bad’ and if he would stay eventhough I wanted to
travel the path of Light, he answered: ‘Yes but not without the
dark…pronounce my name different and it won’t be that bad at all’
This offcourse brought doubt again… what did he mean? Why did he not
give me a straight yes or no? Was he good for me after all…could he
stay eventhough I wanted my whole being into the Light??????????
I called on Michaël every day, asking for his protection and
I felt him…I asked him about Baruchiel…
And Baruchiel came and tried to choke me…
This was all I needed to know
At the 6th of November 2009 I talked to Michaël ‘directly’ with
the help of Psychic Lea Chapin. I had several questions. One of the
things I asked him was what Baruchiel meant by pronouncing his name
Michaël answered that this was only a trick trying to fool me and
keep darkness inside of me.
I do know now that dark spirits never give straight answers… they try
fool you by tricking you around so you will stay their host.
He told me that I was a beautiful and powerful woman. That my roots
have a very old start… that I am here now but that I was before. A
highpriestess and that it is my job to bring light to others.
That I have to do this by using numbers and stones. My bond with Puzuzu
was and will be and we are the same origin. He said that he was going
to wrap his wings around me for the next 48 days to fulfil my ‘surgery’.
The number 48...
It's Product of 4 x 12, this expresses the development of the mutual
relations in the nature and as product of 7 x 8, it shows the holiness
found in the payment of Karma.
Days are going by and I change. It is not that this goes for every day
it is more a constant development...I think the best way to describe it
is that I feel 'lifted'...as if I'm a bit above 'the rest': like
my vision is ‘wider’.
I burned all the books which contained bad Dark Rituals.
Darkness is gone…Light…I feel it in every part of my existence… and it
Letter to Michaël
Tiny sparklin' droplets of
tears start spanking my heart; not because of
grief... but as relief; Go on inject me with your overwhelming power;
took sometime but finally I've found the strength to open the door to
let you in; Darkness was lingering only inside as a metaphor for fear;
Days passed-months passed-and
so did years;
Sacrificed my own desires and
dreams; Believing that only that Dark one
listened to my screams; O how wrong I was...; I cannot describe the
feeling that brought lump in my throat; I tried to swallow but then it
choked me...it made me gasp for breath, drowning...afraid; This
illusion only I could see... I could not leave... I thought...; Over
cliff into the Abyss; Be thrown into the deep depths; But
no...something decided different; It started with writing; then the
sound of his voice; It felt like knowing; I glimpsed at his face, as I
had known him well a thousand years; A million fireflies wink at me;
Music warms me up...stars dangle down... shivers...; The thought of his
fingers caressing the curving of my breasts; How special...; And
within’ sacred moments like this the magic man raised his head and
spoke: "Open your eyes"; Veiled visions showing what I already knew as
true all alone; My true self who I pushed away for so long whispers
"Come with me, let me help, I'll set you free"; Now I sit in my only
self; I AM IN MY TRUE BEING; Again I'm standing at the edge; But this
time I won't fall; I go up...floating; Dreaming the sunshine and
morning dues; You've wrapped your wings around me to cocoon me inside
your safe embrace...
You can find me at: www.facebook.com/TwannysWorld
or at my website:
© 2009-2012 Twanny Waterman